More advise to young Asperger's, from an old one

Could it be, that the real problem normal people have with Asperger's men, is that the Asperger's does not "know his place"? And that he still wants to participate anyway?

My guess about why Asperger's men are so scorned and even despised by "normal" people, particularly by other men, is related to social structuring. Probably Asperger's men are seen as "not staying in line", "not keeping their place", "doesn't know his place"... social place, that is. Apparently "normal" people, normal men, are always wedged into some invisible social web, from which he can move only with great striving and success. This social web fabric is apparently an important part of how people do things in some coordinated fashion.

Position is fairly clearly defined in the workplace, where an Asperger's man can learn, more or less, what is allowed and not allowed as part of the job. Some companies are far more ridgedized than others, too. "Going over the bosses head" is a severe no-no, I have learned; but to an Asperger's, it seems a weird artifact ... but seems to me likely that, to normal men, it's social-wrongness is hard-wired into their brains, instead of being an irrational nuisance phenomenon, as it seems to an Asperger's.

The social fabric of "one's place" is invisible to an Asperger's, but somehow is very visible to "normal" men. The defense of one's social status is knit with the proper means to climb a bit higher in challenge to the current niche occupant; so when a socially-blind-to-"place" Asperger's man wanders in, all sorts of "buttons" get accidentally pushed, even seen as a challenge to a bully.

Since it is also not socially acceptable to openly discuss the social "places", they cannot just tell the Asperger's man about his transgressions, so that he can adjust his behavior accordingly; therefore they often just seethe silently until they can find some fantasized or slightly real wrong the Asperger's blunders into, then heap all their fury, proclaiming intensity to the somewhat possible minor real wrong he perhaps had blundered into. It is apparently far easier to gossip to the effect that the Apserger's man is a sexual deviate of some specific kind, or a wife stealer, child abuser, or a petty thief, than to say he does not keep his place; so a rousing of the vigilantes for group retributatory action when some incident triggers its pent up fury against the Asperger's man, not really caring whether he is guilty of the charge or not ... "dead men tell no tales" ... and the Asperger's man runs, sensing something very wrong and dangerous to him, even though otherwise making no sense. The Mob Mind has a focus for physical action and wild released emotions, finally, in a righteous orgy of violence against the Asperger's man; then they can proudly march back home, having destroyed the horrid villain they had created in their minds which they had attached to the physical Asperger's person.

So, my advise to you younger ones, is to put some effort into discovering this "knowing one's social place" phenomenon, so visible to normal people, yet invisible to you. It is something that is apparently really, really, important to those other people with whom you want to be friends.

"Normal", non-Asperger's people seem to like to constantly practice social interactions physically bouncing word phrases back and forth like they like to bounce a ball back and forth among themselves; it apparently is a craving for them, and forms the major technique for group interaction. Skill at that chatter, as well as ball playing , is honored, part of the ego esteem placement into the social fabric of "who does what to whom".

Asperger's neurology is strong in other areas, However, so their "placement" low in the words-and-ball-bouncing-to-others scale, and this us low on the social esteem ego fabric scale, is quite inconsistent with asperger's occasional brilliant breakthrough intellectually. This is spooky to "normal" men, who think that poor word-and-ball-playing standing equals poor performance in everything. "Normals" also use their intelligence to outsmart" each other, so Asperger's high intellect is very worrisome to those who consider themselves high in the social pyramid, seeing the Asperger as a "loose cannon" on the deck. "He is too smart for his own good", describes this to some extent. Top bullies ever worry re getting "outsmarted" by some buffoon Asperger's man, toppling the bully from his supremacy position down into social humiliation, therefore the normal bully ever lays traps for the Asperger's who unwittingly does not comprehend the "normal" bully's concern at all, having no urge to topple anybody. But the buly's world is built on "who topples who"; it fills his consciousness re other people. To the bully, an Asperger's "smartness" equals "dangerousness" to the bully, despite the Asperger's actual basic peacefulness toward others. Yet, an Asperger's man or woman needs to apply their special mental skills, which often provide the advances which have guided civilization's growth through science, technology, and wisdoms in general. We Asperger's are greatly needed by a humanity that does not realize that fact.

The pairing up of man with woman in intimate relationship, is especially difficult to the Asperger's man, since the normal non-Asperger's men have made that arena a quiet battleground of who-is-better-than-who, bashing at the Asperger's to show supremacy to the women. The "normal" women adore the top level bullies, and seek to mate with them, high survival potentials for children; and Asperger's women need to pair up with a "normal" man as a means of coping with the largely incomprehensible social world of ego esteem social placement. Thus the Asperger's man tends to get left out of the relationship natural between man and woman. I've not solved this problem at all myself, so I merely offer the above knowledge as a background for your struggle to form a successful relationship, man with woman, and family.

Seek fields of endeavor where your intellectual tenacity produces its "superior" achievements in ways that are appreciated by "normal" social mankind, and is as non-threatening as possible to the bully powered normal men. With a secure niche thusly prepared, some woman may drop into it as her easy nest.

Yet beware this nest is ever at risk from the "normal" guys, who are ever doing their practice of testing to see "whose is bigger than whose", "who is better than who", "who does what to whom", by which they position themselves to receive a higher share of the world's goodies, including woman's favors. Asperger's see this endless contesting as mere disruptive wasteful nuisance activity by others; yet, it is obsessively important to those "normal" people, including that desirable woman, therefore you must devote some attention to it, to get and keep that woman, and maybe even to survive.

Jim