More ponderings re Asperger's effects

20050307 JEDCline
More memoirs of an Asperger's

From today's Morning Pages: ... only thing I can figure out is that it is some reaction to my Asperger's Syndrome, which prevents me from normal groupie stuff. Asperger's, unfortunately, still desire to happily interact with other people, particularly one functioning as lover and close companion (for example, my former wife of long ago), and that effort to participate in the fun-looking doings of groups and to seek a lover among them, is highly resented by the non-Asperger's real "normal" groupies. Probably because one's status in the group provides basic framework for interactivity, and the Asperger's seeks not for any status, not intrinsically even aware of such a thing going on. Thus the Asperger's is continually perceived by groupies (I use the term "groupies" here to indicate the normal socially interlinked group members) as "getting out of place" , even "weird" at times; and with no high status in the group, efforts to find a mate among them is resented, and this resentment is justified through making gossip suggesting some kind of evocative sexual perversion, since the status framework rights to mate is a social thing that is not spoken of. "Ego" is a phenomenon involved strongly in this, I think. The ever-testing of "whose is bigger" has little or nothing to do with job assignment in mutual goal achievement; but instead is the mechanism of group status fittings, it seems to me. The Asperger's trait of persistent focus on something can make them outstanding in that field, and when attempting to enter a group, this is perceived by groupies as a status-setting thing, possibly tilting out the current occupants of that corresponding "slot" or "niche" , this is assumed a challenge, a rivalrous attack against that status-place without even "coming up through the ranks" anywhere; and the utterly-missing other parts of status-defining, makes for unsettled intensity, the groupies team seeing the Asperger as an invader, while the Asperger seeing the groupie team as fun people doing fun things among whom are women who might become his loving mate. It is something like the proverbial "water and oil", both can be lumped in some container, but cannot ever fully merge. Yet the tool base of non-Asperger's groupie teams, with their social pyramid structuring, probably has come from the aggregate contributions of Asperger's individuals down through time, created by the Asperger's trait of out-of-the-box-thinking intensely obsessed focussed occasional outstanding "achievements" (Asperger's don't see them as an "achievements" status-defining thing, but rather as an interesting fun new thing that could usefully be done by all), even likely the inventions of writing especially, and the recording and re-play techniques of knowledge accumulation and application, passed down thusly and used by "normal" people in their status-gaming. As such, probably Aspergers have always been a bit irritated at the "perverted" use of their creations, as the others' egos grab it and pound higher status for themselves with it; but hopefully making cars, planes, skyscraper buildings thereby. Such motivation by ego-status-hunger does not make for wisdom in use of technology, however, so we need some means for gaining status via wisdom in application of technology and other of civilization's tools, responsibility for wise application referenced to civilization, humanity, the planetary ecosystem, even maybe reaching out to bring life to our solar system beyond the planetary surface, guided in holistic wisdom every step along the way. (Dreamer!, sure; but as it has long been said, without a dream, how can a dream come true?)